Responding to on line dating
One, when in Rome, and two, frankly it’s a lot easier than responding and rejecting, something I have always been very bad at and extremely uneasy doing.
If you get approached by someone you don’t find attractive, for whatever reason, you simply hit delete and move on. I began adapting to these odd new cultural mores, for a couple of reasons.
” How am I supposed to take these emails that I’m getting? Thru events from LA Weekly, thu email lists like Thrillist, thru random happenstance at the gym, at Ralphs, on Sunset Blvd, at the UCB Theater, thru Meetup.com, thru friends’ house parties, thru work friends, and business networking, thru set ups, thru matchmakers, thru singles organizations, church or temple. But because “real life” doesn’t always provide enough opportunity on a week by week basis.
I find them so mass-market, like I bet they copied and pasted and sent to 30 girls without reading about me at all. And yet, despite all of those options for young people here in LA, it’s tough. And unless you get lucky at the Grilled Cheese Invitational or First Fridays on Abbot Kinney, it’s very easy to live in a huge city and never meet any men. Your ad is live for 24 hours a day for men to approach you, and if you log on for 20-30 minutes each day to reply and reach out to one new guy, your social life will instantly pop.
While I’m fairly good at it, this form of Game is irksome and frustrating for me. It yielded one positive response from a nice-looking blond woman who describes herself as thin. So, this woman plays games by waiting a couple of days before responding. It’s completely natural for women who use online dating. I incurred the wrath of a persistent rationalization hamster and hilarity ensued.
Yet still I persist and yet still I am faced with the absolute necessity of Gaming online. Her photos showed a 7 face and perhaps a slender build, perhaps. Given her age, 49 – though she’s likely 52 or 53, I strongly suspect that she’s got a “full and rewarding life” filled with a bevy of activities and friends and sees online dating as an afterthought in her life. I do hope that the red pill dating coaches – Evan Marc Katz to the white courtesy phone – tell women that delaying responses won’t get them any dates.
The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself. Let’s go: Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs.
I remember feeling obliged, when I got a message from a woman who didn’t interest me, to try and craft a nice reply that didn’t make her feel bad about herself. If there’s no contact, it’s harder to take it personally.In “real life,” when someone approaches and asks you out, you’re obliged by social custom to reply. How can I be mean to someone who thinks I deserve that kind of effort?You may not be interested, but you can’t just pretend that the person isn’t standing there talking to you. So we have developed all manner of ways of saying no thanks, in what is hopefully the kindest way possible. And a couple times, women I have written to actually have replied with nice no thank you messages. And – here’s the odd part – a little uncomfortable. I’ve been excited to start meeting guys in my new city (LA – same as you! And if they do say hello, the emails are boring – “Hey, I’m thinking of getting some sun this weekend. ” Or they make me think these guys have me on a pedestal – “If you don’t mind me saying, I think you are beautiful, and your profile seems so genuine. ” I’ve taken your advice and posted pics of me looking fun, cute and active: wedding guest/bridesmaid pics, vacation pics, a fun sibling shot (labeled “with my bro and sis.”) So what is the deal? I’m thinking, “We are SO alike, why aren’t you responding? –Angie There are two entirely separate issues being discussed here: one is your frustration with online dating overall, the other is with the nuances of how it’s done. First of all, I want you to consider all the other places that you could meet thirtysomething men in Los Angeles. It seems there are plenty of men looking on these sites but hardly any saying hello! In my bio, I basically state I am a “retired jetsetter who still wants to have fun, but do it on a local level.” I’ve read a bunch of profiles and tried to reach out to men who were my equals, both in lifestyle and dating goals, but these guys haven’t responded.
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In online dating, you’ll sometimes be in an email conversation with a new person and things seem to be going great.